Saying Goodbye

Saying goodbye... 

I loved you for what seemed the longest time, 

but it all ended in the blink of an eye...

Today I stand. Alone and strong. Cracks littering these once impenetrable walls.

Your smile my only thought. The moon's full womb the symbol of everything I have lost, and yet everything there still is to gain. 

You were my only thought, my only dream. A night time fantasy, flashed before my eyes before I could grasp you in my hands. 

I hope her arms are as solid as my memory of you, 

I hope her smile is so much brighter than mine ever was. 

My own insecurities reason enough. 

You will live a happy life out there, without any sign of someone the likes of me. 

You still flash through my mind, the smell of ash, and old pictures keeps pounding through my mind like the keys of a typewriter. 

Your indiscretion, and my weakness led to the end of what I thought was forever. 

I can't help but wonder if it ever was to you. 

I miss you. 

But you have her, and them, and all I'll ever be is the before. 

Before you left, 

Before the world happened to both of us... 

Before I grew up...

and Before you  showed me that there will never be any hope for a little redhead from PA and a son of a preacher...

Listening to the Goo Goo Dolls, and wondering if life will ever offer me anything but the same hesitations, and fears... or for that matter, if I'll ever cut this stone wall that you helped me build over a year ago now... 

Please let these walls be broken by someone... Please let me finally start again... Please give me the strength to not just say goodbye to you, but the future I had made before it even began. 

Please give me the strength...