Decisions... Therapy...

I just wanted to make an announcement. I'm very nervous about it. I have made the conscious decision to go see a therapist. After a discussion with Tony I have come to realize that there are a few things I need to work through, and that before I am able to help others, I must first get my own house in order. The love of my life basically sat in front of me and told me that he loves me, but there are some things that he simply cannot help me through, and then asked me if I have ever seen a therapist. I had in the past, but the truth is that there was a lot of  back story there, and there were things that occurred which inevitably ended my discussion with anyone in regards to my mental health. I'm a nervous wreck about it, and conflicted because growing up I was always told that you only went to a therapist if there was something wrong with you or you were crazy. The fact is, I know I'm alright. I just need some help working through some issues from an unbiased third party. I am coming to realize that I am a giant hypocrite. I want to become a therapist, I want to help people, I want to help others work through the troubles they are facing, but at the same time I find myself reluctant to even go seek that same help myself for issues that at times can make me miserable. I'm aware of my problems, I know what they are... but the fact remains that I have somehow managed to bottle them all up, and every couple months it comes out in tears, frustrations, and a bad mood. I cannot afford to spend my life going through this cycle. It is a waste of my time, as well as preventing me from living my life to the fullest. I hope that everyone I know will respect me for this decision, and not judge me for it just because I am not making the same choices they would. It is time that I stand and start making solid decisions on my own without others, and this is one of mine.

I know this all seems silly, and like a lot of pretense to something so simple, but I just can't help but feel that this is going to move me toward the direction I need to be in. I hope that this will help me, as well as my relationships with others so that they may be healthy and stable. Some of these relationships currently are hardy and strong and others have been hazy for quite some time.

With this, I am off to bed. I have school in the morning, and a partner to get back to.

Goodnight everyone.