I have been struggling... I look around me and I see all these people who are so angry; they are angry at the world, at their circumstances, and at themselves. I see people lashing out every day, pushing other people both physically, mentally, spiritually and emotionally. I ask the question why would someone want to hurt another person? I know I may at times say I would like to hit someone, I am guilty of that, I won't lie. However, I would never come at anyone with such aggression as I have seen lately from my fellow man. I don't care what your faith is, what race or ethnicity you are, what your past is, who you love, or what you do with your life, those things don't ultimately define you as a person. The thing that defines someone most is their character, how they treat their fellow man, and those smaller and weaker than them. When I look at the world not just in the broad sense, but even with our neighbors next door I see people who would push someone to get what they want rather than any sort of reasonable course of action. I see people who would rather use aggression then patience, and tantrums, rumors, and vulgarity instead of compassion, abstract thinking, and ultimately understanding. I love people for who they are, and for observing all the potential they hold to evolve into whatever they wish to be. It is beyond me why any other human being would take matters into their own hands in such a way that it would harm others. It is even further yet past my understanding why someone would judge another person because of an article of clothing whether it be a hijab, yamaka, cross, or prayer beads. Perhaps its simply how I was raised to become my own individual, and to treat others as they would treat me, but I don't comprehend what would bring another person to act in such a way.
All of this is such a contrast when I look at the path my life has followed in the past year. In the past year I have watched friendships bloom, finished a degree, started another, learned so much about my field of work. Gained a better understanding of people in general, organizations, and even a more solid concept of who I am as a person. I have come to see the good and bad in people, and can't help but stop and admire what good there still is, and shake my head at the bad I do see. I have seen so much, and learned even more. I have grown along side my partner in our relationship that is nearly a year old now. It has been over a year since we first met, and I feel compelled to share this story with everyone for those who don't already know.
I was just starting my job at the mall as a security guard and I had been passing the comic book store randomly chatting up employees, and looking at the books when I could spare a second or two away. One day my boss at the time noticed me admiring one of the workers as we passed the store's doorway and asked me why I didn't go talk to him. I simply explained that I didn't think I stood a chance with an actual cute guy. Well with this response he told me that if I didn't say something he would. Essentially what this meant was it I should talk to him or be teased mercilessly. So, roughly a week after this when I worked next with some coaxing I went into the shop during free graphic novel day. Tony happened to be working that day, and I walked up to him, and shrewdly told him to sell me on something. I was so very awkward, and nervous, but he smiled and ended up selling me on a book series. After I made my purchase we sat down at the one gaming table at the shop and talked for a while. After my boss passed the shop I decided I should probably be getting back to work, after this there was much flirting, and random talking involved. Eventually, around November tenth when they brought out Santa for the year, and the Christmas music started playing over the speaker system Tony was on his way back to the store from grabbing lunch at subway, and had passed me twice before he came up to me, and asked me out to coffee sometime. I had never been asked out on a date before so I was very much nervous when I said yes.We exchanged phone numbers, and had our first date a little over a week later. I was so excited the night he asked I went straight to my friend Bobbi who ran Santa and exuberantly told her what happened. Apparently it was hard from her to believe that I had never been asked out on a date before.
This is all preceding the news that he asked me to move in with him about a week ago. With the stipulation that we wait until after the spring semester so I can transfer to another university, I agreed. We are happy, and I have never felt so comfortable, and settled in my life. When I say this I mean in the best way possible. Tony tests my limits, he helps me remember to take things a day at a time, and reminds me even further yet to keep things in perspective to where they really are. Essentially he keeps me grounded and I add a little of my crazy to his mix. We are good together, and I feel truly at ease with my own world. I feel like I have a direction, and a reason to maintain my current course other than my own drive. I want to try new things, and explore, I want to work hard, and have days of rest where we just sit around and read. I love that I can just be with him, and there is no pressure to be anything bigger, better, or simply put all the things I'm not. He loves me for who I am, and I love him for all the pieces of his cooky crazy self, even if he hates my love of random puns. =P
If you read this Tony know I love you, I miss you, and I hope to see you later on this week, you are the best thing that has ever happened to me.
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